


Even So, I Still Love You

by Anonymous



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Idol Kim Jongin | Kai, M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 14:20:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29934708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Everyday he receives a bouquet of Camellias to his office. He knows who kept sending the flowers. It was Kim Kai, a member of the rising Kpop band EXO, who had just caught up with a dating scandal with a non celebrity a few months prior.The non celebrity is no other than him, Oh Sehun, who end their three years relationship a month after that.
Relationships: Kim Jongin | Kai/Oh Sehun
Comments: 6
Kudos: 54
Collections: monthlysekai's Flower Garden





	Even So, I Still Love You

**Author's Note:**

> apologies for any grammar mistakes or typos,  
> enjoy!
> 
> Bouquet of camellias for monthlysekai's Challenge #5

Sehun can finally breathe when he returns to his desk. Leaning to the back of his chair as he closed his eyes, loosening the tie around his neck and taking this brief moment to just relax. It’s been hectic in his office--well, everyday has been busy for him. Endless meetings, seniors who barely show up at work, the toxic environment that’s stirring around the workplace, Sehun feels suffocated just being here. 

He glanced over the watch, it’s nine past forty already--three hours past his initial work hour. To be honest, Sehun has a long past knowing when his initial work hours are. With the unpaid overtime, he probably has worked more than fourteen hours everyday. There aren't many people left in the office, with most of the lights turned off except the one above his desk and his boss’ office. 

Since he doubted there are meetings he has to attend at ten o’clock at night, Sehun decided to pack his things and finally go home. On the corner of his eyes, there’s a bright red bouquet of Camellias sitting on the side of his desk. Someone sent it every morning for five months now, completely anonymous but he knew who sent it. 

He has forgotten about it entirely due to his busy day but the sight of the bright red against the dull white of his desk gives him some sort of encouragement and also heartbreak. Sighing, he took the bouquet in one hand and took his bag, exiting his office building. 

There aren't many people in the train at this hour, it’s probably one of the perks of not going home during rush hours. At least that’s what he’s telling himself, pathetic really, but he needs to find something positive about his work despite nothing positive about it. 

His friends have told him to quit his job, but it’s not that easy. Sehun doesn’t want to depend on his now retired father anymore, he doesn’t want to burden his parents with money so he put up with it. Besides, the pay is fairly good, at least that’s the only thing that keeps him going. 

“Isn’t that EXO Kai?” 

His head immediately turned towards two high school girls standing right by the door, one with a ponytail and another with pigtails. Sehun couldn’t feel intrigued by their conversation. 

“That must be the ad for his Gucci collaboration. I heard that he’s the first Kpop star to have a collection for his own.” 

“But isn’t it too soon? I heard about his dating rumors five months ago,” the ponytailed girl sounded skeptical. 

“It's a non-celebrity isn’t it?” the girl with pigtails scoffed, “Jennie is much better for him than dating a nobody.”

“Dated,” the girl with a ponytail corrected, “They broke off a month after Dispatch released the news.” 

“That’s so fast, maybe Kai realized that the non-celebrity isn’t worth it.” 

The two girls giggled as the train gradually stopped. Sehun immediately bolted out of the train as soon as the door opened. He bit his lower lip in frustration feeling a lump on his throat, his eyes prickling with tears.

 _Don’t cry_ , but too late, he’s crying. 

That conversation shouldn’t have hurt him more than it should. But it did, as what they said reflected on Sehun’s inner turmoil when he dated Kim Kai.

Yes, dated and it was his choice. 

“You’re so pathetic Oh Sehun, pathetic,” he berated himself, sighing heavily as he wiped his tears away, tapping his card and exiting the train station. 

He won’t even realize that he’s hungry if not for the smell of spicy ramen coming from the convenience store. Now that he remembered, he hasn’t eaten anything solid for lunch as his lunch time was taken thanks to the urgent meeting. Sehun doesn’t feel like eating at all, he just wants to sleep and forget as he still has to work the same routine tomorrow. 

Sehun would’ve passed buying any food if it weren’t for the half price off on kimbap and bento. He brought the beef kimbap and a fried chicken rice set, planning to eat the rice set for breakfast tomorrow to at least motivate him to wake up in the morning. 

His apartment is just two blocks away from the convenience store. Its walls are dull and grey with only several people still living in it. His legs aching with exhaustion as he waited in the elevator to the fifth floor. Once the door was open, he saw someone standing by one of the doors. The man is wearing jeans, thick brown fur jacket consuming his body with the hood covering his head. 

_Please not my door, please not my door, please not my door._

Sehun chanted internally, panic rising up as he tried to remain cool and walked up to his apartment door. The man looked up, even if his face was covered by a black surgical mask, Sehun immediately recognized who he was. 

“What are you doing here?” Sehun asked in a hushed tone, looking back and forth the hallway just to make sure there isn’t anyone else. 

“I came to see you,” Jongin answered, his eyes never left Sehun’s face as the taller male fished out his eyes to unlock the door. “You look thinner, have you been eating?” 

“I have,” Sehun lied as he entered his small apartment, shaking his convenience store bag in front of the other’s face, the idol followed behind him.

“Where have you been? you’re supposed to be home five hours ago,” Jongin questioned once again, following Sehun as he took his shoes off. 

Sehun put the plastic bag and the flowers on the table, sighing heavily as put down his bag on the bed just beside him. He’s exhausted and tired, he doesn’t have any energy to answer any of his questions. Jongin seemed to understand, of course he does, they were practically glued to each other since kindergarten, the man can probably read his mind now. 

“I missed you,” Jongin reached out to hold Sehun’s hand, which he pulled away. 

“We broke up, remember?” Sehun said bitterly, sitting on the corner of his bed. 

“That’s the company’s decision, not mine.” 

“It’s mine too, you know.”

Jongin stays silent at that and an awkward silent washes over them. The media has informed them that they have been dating for three months but that’s wrong, Sehun and Jongin have been dating for three years. Sehun has always been in love with Jongin since they’re in high school but he’s too afraid to say anything. 

Unlike Jongin, Sehun doesn’t have much confidence in himself. Jongin has always been brighter than him, when it comes to studies and especially dance. It came to no surprise that Jongin passed the agency audition while he didn’t. Sehun ended up ordinary, working in a bad company while Jongin debuted in one of the biggest Kpop boyband EXO. 

Sehun's heart breaks when he hears of his and Jennie’s dating rumor. Well, he has expected that what he has is completely one sided so he has prepared himself. It hurt knowing he had loved Jongin for probably twelve years back then, Sehun cried for the whole day when he heard it. But they broke up soon after, Jongin was heart broken and seeking for his best friend’s comfort when it did. 

Eventually, his feelings is reprocrated although almost a decade. But Sehun was happy when Jongin confessed to him, better late than never he guessed. He has his doubts of course, Jongin is not an ordinary man like him but the other male reassured him. Those three years were the happiest years of his life, sure he has a couple of problems here and there but Jongin has been there for him even if he isn’t physically there with him. 

But everything went down the drain when Dispatch exposed them. Even if the public didn’t know who he was, he’s still paranoid. He starts reading the hate comments to which, saying how Sehun was a disappointment and a ‘downgrade’ from Jennie. There are some who said that Jongin is using him as a rebound, to move on from Jennie. 

Sehun doubted that at first, but soon there were more and more made up stories and assumptions were made about their relationship to the point Sehun started to believe them. It didn’t help at all that few months ago Jongin was hard to reach. He always replies texts late and doesn’t answer his calls a lot, which is understandable when you’re dating a superstar. But during those times it feels just too much, Sehun feels so alone. He tried calling Junmyeon and Chanyeol, two of the EXO members he’s close with, but they never replied either. 

It feels like everyone started to leave him back then. Thus why he went to the agency building three weeks after that, looking for their manager and told them that he broke up with Jongin as he couldn’t take it anymore. Jongin didn’t come looking for him at all, maybe he was upset at Sehun’s decision and that’s understandable, breaking up with your three years boyfriend is already heard for him, but it became more harder when Jongin is also your best friend since they had baby teeth. 

The sound of the microwave beeping snapped him out of his trance. Sehun looked up to see Jongin taking out the rice set and placed it on the table in front of him. He doesn’t even notice that the male took his food and heated it up--guess he’s too high up in his thoughts than expected. 

“Eat,” Jongin said, breaking the wooden chopsticks into two and handing it in front of him while he sat beside him on the bed. 

Sehun was completely baffled, it’s not something new that he’s confused by Jongin's actions. The male is an enigma, sometimes he understands him and sometimes he doesn’t. Though he knows that Jongin isn’t the most patient man. 

He ended up taking the chopsticks, picking up the chicken along with the rice and prods it against Sehun’s lips. Sehun blinked, looking at the food and Jongin, who raised an eyebrow waiting for him. Eventually he gives up and accepts the food, eating it slowly as it’s still hot. 

“Is it too hot? Do you want to blow it for you?” 

“No--no, it’s alright,” Sehun shuttered, cheeks reddening at the male’s attentiveness. 

But they shouldn’t be doing this, right?

Sehun doubted that Jongin came here just because he missed him. Maybe he wants some clarification on why Sehun broke up with him without telling him beforehand. Sehun felt guilty, it’s weighing him down and the way he tries to cope is working more which led him to his current unpaid overtime working hours. His life has been spiraling down since five months ago and what’s worse, Sehun mostly did it to himself so he has no one to blame but himself. 

“I’m sorry,” Sehun choked up, already feeling the tears welled up inside him again. It’s been five months and Sehun has been non stop crying almost every week. If it’s about his work then it’s about Jongin, there’s no in between. 

Jongin put the chopsticks down, concern written all over his features when Sehun started breaking down. He gently cupped his cheeks, Sehun felt more guilt when Jongin looked at him worriedly. 

“I didn’t mean to break up with you but I just can’t stand it,” he sobbed out, trying to break from Jongin’s hold but the male didn’t let him. He just waited patiently for Sehun to pour out his repressed feelings that he had kept for five months. 

“You never answered my calls or texted me, I started to believe what they said are true, that you never cared about me and I wasn’t worth it but I know you enough that you’ll never think of me that way but still, it affected me because I’ve been in love with you for fifteen years now,” Sehun continued as Jongin wipe his tears away with his thumb, “but what hurts me the most is the assumptions they had about you, and I don’t want your idol image to be tarnished because of me so I just had to broke it off.” 

“You know that’s not true,” Jongin sounded like he’s close to tears. He pulled Sehun closer, letting him rest his head on his chest. Sehun wrapped his arms around Jongin’s waist, he smelled the Gucci perfume Jongin loves the most and he missed it a lot. 

Sehun felt calmer listening to Jongin’s steady heartbeat, his scent lingering around him and he felt protected, safe. 

“Don’t forget to chew your food.”

Sehun began chewing, the rice and chicken felt a little soggy in his mouth but he swallowed. Jongin started to feed him again once Sehun stopped crying, he just accepted it as he’s feeling hungry. 

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Jongin started, “I did tell you that we can break up whenever things get too much. At first I was upset but then I saw your missed calls and texts, then I understood why,” Jongin began rubbing his bicep, resting his head above his, “I was so busy and left you alone. I used to ignore the hate comments and how to deal with them but you didn’t, it was never my intention to leave you alone.” 

“I know,” Sehun mumbled, finding himself struggling to keep his eyes open. “Can we talk about this tomorrow? I’m exhausted and you’re here...you feel so nice,” he nuzzled towards his chest, feeling it rumble as Jongin laughs, burying his face on Sehun’s hair and audibly blanched. 

“Hey,” Sehun warned, looking up at the male’s face. 

“When’s the last time you washed your hair?” 

“Last…” Sehun glanced away, cheeks reddening in embarrassment. He hasn’t been taking care of himself as of late. “Tuesday?”

“Sehun, it’s Friday.”

“I’m tired, I don’t have the energy to do all of that.” 

Jongin laughed, shrugging off his jacket then his arms pulled him closer and started to take off his suit jacket. Sehun’s eyes widened, “wha--what are you doing?”

“I’m not going to do anything, I’m just going to help you take a bath,” he said casually while undoing Sehun’s tie. 

Sehun’s cheek grows redder in shade, “you don’t have to do it for me.” 

“Sehun, I’ve seen you naked more than you’re clothed.” 

He has forgotten how blunt Jongin can be, but that’s what he loves about him.it shouldn’t come off as a surprise if Sehun admired him for that. Sehun always admired him, on how hardworking he is, especially with his dance and how he can overcome any challenges confidently. If only Sehun was more like Jongin, maybe his life would have been easier. 

Jongin just laughs loudly, Sehun missed hearing his laughter. The idol waited patiently for him, he eventually signed and took off his white shirt then scooted closer to Jongin until he’s sitting on his lap. He wrapped his arms around Jongin’s neck, pulling him closer as he hides his face on his shoulder. 

“Can you take care of me?” 

“Of course,” Jongin placed a hand on his back, patting him on the back and removing his pants before carrying him up in one swift movement. His bathroom is small, right beside his bed so Jongin shouldn’t have any trouble if Sehun is too heavy for him. 

“You’re so light Sehun, you should eat more,” Jongin said, sitting him on a small stool in the shower room as he adjusted the shower water for Sehun. 

Sehun started to nod off when the warm water hit his skin and his hair. Shoulder relaxing as Jongin began to lather his hair with shampoo then rub his body with soap before rinsing him off. Jongin wrapped him in a blanket, making sure his body was dry and hair not too wet as he lay him on the bed. 

The male felt something draped on his chest, he assumed it was his pajamas but rather, it’s Jongin’s brown jacket. He hummed happily, putting the jacket on while he heard Jongin throwing something before the bed dipped on his weight. 

“Feel better?” Jongin asked, Sehun hummed in response with a smile on his lips, eyes closed. 

“Sehun,” he started, “can I stay with you for the night?”

“Please,” came a small reply from him, Sehun wouldn’t want anything but to have Jongin at his side. Even if he knows it’s going to make his affection for him resurfacing in the morning, he didn’t care. He’s so exhausted and it feels like today is the first time he’s feeling relaxed and happy. 

The bed shifted as Jongin lay beside him. Out of instinct Sehun scooted closer, forehead resting on his chest. 

“Do you want to wear pants?” 

“No, just stay.” 

Jongin didn’t say anything else after that. He ran his fingers through Sehun’s semi wet locks and within a minute Sehun drifted to sleep.

Jongin watches Sehun’s breath even out, soft snore coming from his lips as he clutched onto his jacket while curled up to his side. Jongin feels at ease, even if this is perhaps temporary, he wants to be with him as much as the other allowed him to. Jongin pulled the blanket over their bodies, he glanced around Sehun’s tiny apartment and found several Camellias on empty bottles filled with water and some dried ones too. He smiled, knowing that Sehun never once threw the flowers that he sent everyday to remind him of his love for him. 

Though Jongin wants to be the one who personally reminds him. He hoped Sehun would give him another chance, as he never ever loved someone so much before him. It hurt him how much doubt Sehun has on himself, he wanted to remind him that he’s perfect for him. No one else will replace Sehun in his life. 

Both as his best friend and lover.

**Author's Note:**

> i was listening to akaito by rib and goodbye ms. floral thief by hatsune miku, you can check it out if you want to!  
> comments and kudos will be much appreciated <3


End file.
